Any single woman or man that decides to adopt will have a much harder time going through the process than a married couple. Even though single parent adopters of U.S. children tend to adopt older, minority, and/or handicapped children, they are often turned away by agencies. Nevertheless, single parent adoption is increasing and now accounts for 25% of special needs adoptions, and 5% of all adoptions. While most single parent adopters are female, there are a growing number of single male adopters.
Obstacles of Single Parent Adoption
1. Social Bias
Throughout our nation, there is still a strong point of view that children need traditional parenting with mother and father. Experts for mental health highly recommend children be adopted by compatible married couples, but single parent adopters consider this view unfair.
2. Pressure from Friends and Relatives
Your family and friends may become your best companions or worst enemies once you decide to adopt. Oftentimes they will question your ability to be a single parent. Some may even try to pressure you out of adopting.
3. Unfavorable Policies
Many adoption agencies still do not accept single-parent applicants, and even if they do, many agencies will put your application and home study request on the bottom of the pile while they continue working with married couples. Aside from being brushed under the rug, you may be offered older children when you request a toddler. Even if you pursue independent adoption with the assistance of an agency, birth mothers may back out as soon as they learn you are a single parent.
4. Prejudice Against Single Men
When a male single parent adopter submits an application, he is going to be questioned thoroughly not only about his motives, but also about his sexuality, friends and living arrangements. Unfortunately, even qualified male single parent applicants are consistently turned down by adoption agencies.
5. Challenges of Single Parenthood
As a single parent, you will always be on call with no one to take over for your relief, unless you hire a sitter. In addition, being a single income household may prove difficult if any financial issues arise either during the adoption process or afterwards.
How to Adopt as a Single Parent
The process for single parent adoption is very similar to the process married couples take. However, single parents will have to do more research and make more contacts in order to find an adoption agency that will work with them and their needs.
1. Prepare Yourself for the Adoption
When you meet with an adoption agency for the first time, you should have a clear and reasonable plan to explain how you will handle life as a single parent. The most important part is creating a detailed financial plan of how you will support the child throughout the years. Arriving to the agency with this plan will show them you are serious about the adoption, which can help the process go quicker and more smoothly.
2. Decide on the Agencies
Adoption agencies are definitely not created equally, and some won’t even allow single parent adopters to apply. Before applying, make sure the agency accepts single parent applicants. Next, you must decide if you wish to adopt domestically or internationally. Surprisingly, the process of adopting domestically is actually longer than that of adopting internationally. International adoptions typically allow you to adopt younger kids, instead of only being offered older kids as may happen domestically.
After these first two major decisions, you must now decide on the age and health of the child you wish to adopt. Perhaps you have a soft spot for older children or children with disabilities, or you simply want to adopt a healthy toddler.
3. Get Ready for a Home Study
When looking at various adoption agencies, be sure to find one that will assist with the home study, adoptive placement, and post-placement services. A home study is a detailed evaluation of you, your life and your home, which is required by all agencies. This process determines your fitness and suitability as a single parent adopter.
A few important facts about the home study:
- Your medical, financial and employment records will go through a detailed background check.
- An evaluator will meet with you up to three times to discuss the adoption process, and will meet with you at least once in your home.
- The evaluator’s purpose is to determine if you are physically and financially capable of providing for a child, and if your neighborhood and local schools are appropriate for the child you adopt.
- At the end of the evaluation process, you will receive a copy of the document that includes the evaluator’s recommendations and conclusions.
- Lastly, the home study may come at a cost of up to $2,000.
The following video shares the story of a single mom going through the adoption process:
FAQs about Single Parent Adoption
Will a Birthparent Ever Choose a Single Parent Adopter?
Despite the traditional family bias, there are some birthparents who prefer to place their baby with a single parent adopter, and are doing so on a regular basis. Their reasons could range anywhere from having been raised by a single parent themselves, to feeling that the single parent adopter is a good match.
Is There Any State Where Single Parent Adoptions Are Prohibited?
No single heterosexual male or female is prohibited from adopting by any state laws. Sadly, both Mississippi and Utah currently prohibit adoptions by lesbians and gay men. If you are a lesbian or gay male living in Mississippi or Utah, there is no legal way for you to adopt a child, even if adopting from another state. Fortunately, gay male and lesbian laws are still frequently changing and might soon allow adoption by anyone from any state, regardless of sexuality.